[MJHMarc]

MJHMarc responded to Wizard of Os' comment earlier today. He claims that his agent/publicist is Arli$$ Michaels of HBO. He also would like to extend his sorrow for the Wizard of Os' loss of publicity. He plans to address the public later this week about his relationship with Anna Kournikova.

[MJHMarc]

New York, New York. (VP) PRIVATE PRESS CONFERENCE HELD AT LOCAL PIZZERIA

MJHMARC:Hello everyone! I would like to explain everything on your mind. I will now be accepting questions.

Reporter:What's the deal with Anna Kournikova?

MJHMARC:We are just close friends. Nothing serious happened between us.

Reporter:So what happened on the pleasure cruise party with Kournikova a few weeks ago?

MJHMARC:I have a right to my own privacy. Why don't we just discuss sports?

---
MJHMARC and his agent made thier way out of the pizzeria

[Gotham Dark Knight]

Despite is best efforts to distance himself away from Kournikova-gate...MJHMarc is still being hounded by the rumors of an on agian/off again romance with the tennis starlet.

Fox News has recently learned from the the husband of the house keeper of MJHMarc's estate, that Anne has been seen as a steady visitor for most of the past month.

When asked about the visits, Marc stated, "Anne is just working some kinks off her game...and I am jsut helping her with her serve and volley..."

MJHMarc pushed aside the rest of the media, and refused to answer further questions as he made his way to the car....

[MJHMarc]

MJHMarc reached a career milestone a 10:44 PM EST on Saturday night, as he became the last poster of every one of the MLB threads displayed on the GoTeamsGo homepage. ESPN confronted MJHMarc later that night to discuss his latest record-breaking event. MJHMarc explained to ESPN that he did not want to discuss this issue, but ESPN ignored his requests. A frustrated MJHMarc knocked down the photographer with the video-camera and landed himself in the County Jail for harrassment charges. MJHMarc has scheduled a meeting with his lawyer before he presents his case in court later this week.

[Gotham Dark Knight]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

MJHMarc reached a career milestone a 10:44 PM EST on Saturday night, as he became the last poster of every one of the MLB threads displayed on the GoTeamsGo homepage. ESPN confronted MJHMarc later that night to discuss his latest record-breaking event. MJHMarc explained to ESPN that he did not want to discuss this issue, but ESPN ignored his requests. A frustrated MJHMarc knocked down the photographer with the video-camera and landed himself in the County Jail for harrassment charges. MJHMarc has scheduled a meeting with his lawyer before he presents his case in court later this week.

MJHMarc is to join Delmon Young in a court sanctioned Anger Management Counseling Center...

In unrelatec news, MJHMarc new book The Beast Within is due out next friday...

[Wizard of Os]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

... Reporter:What's the deal with Anna Kournikova?

MJHMARC:We are just close friends. Nothing serious happened between us.

Reporter:So what happened on the pleasure cruise party with Kournikova a few weeks ago?

MJHMARC:I have a right to my own privacy. Why don't we just discuss sports?

Ah, you missed your chance for a great sound bit, MJH: "I'm not here to talk about the present..."

O, and thanks for taking up with Anna K. and leaving me Jennie Finch. I know she claims to be pregnant with Arizona D-backs' Casey Daigle's baby, but i know she really only has eyes for me.

Cheers.

[MJHMarc]

MJHMARC was let out of jail today on $50,000 bail. He is scheduled to announce his latest status later in the week. Until then, MJHMARC has been criticized in almost every newspaper for his violent behavior.

In other news, MJHMARC is interested in signing a long-term contract extension during the summer. He is also denies being the father of Kournikova's baby. However, he plans to support the child while going to counseling every Thursday for anger-management problems.

The Beast Within will start to ship on Wednesday and should be in your local bookstore by Friday.

[Gotham Dark Knight]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

MJHMARC was let out of jail today on $50,000 bail. He is scheduled to announce his latest status later in the week. Until then, MJHMARC has been criticized in almost every newspaper for his violent behavior.

In other news, MJHMARC is interested in signing a long-term contract extension during the summer. He is also denies being the father of Kournikova's baby. However, he plans to support the child while going to counseling every Thursday for anger-management problems.

The Beast Within will start to ship on Wednesday and should be in your local bookstore by Friday.

Reports are trickling in of crowds of people camping out at Barnes and Nobles...

When asked why, Green Bay native, Jason Miller said, "its like Harry Porter man...you wanna get a 1st edition...you wanna be cool, you know?"

Asked if MJHMARC is a proper role model for kids, Charles Barkley had this to say, "Man, that fool ain't representing anything...you want a role model, go get a dad, or a teacher...MJHMARC is just being Marc...you know?...let him be already."

[MJHMarc]

Barnes and Nobles reached a pre-ordering peak today as 2.9 million readers reserved a copy of The Beast Within. The book is 273 pages long with an inspirational forward by Bill Romanowski. MJHMarc plans to have an author-luncheon sometime this week.

In other exciting sports news, ESPN Rumor Mill reports that MJHMarc declined a four-year extension deal worth over 40 Million dollars. MJHMarc claims, "It just wasn't what I was looking for. If they want me, they better give me the numbers I want." The team did not comment on this matter. MJHMarc's agent still continues to work out a long-term contract extension with "the numbers MJHMarc likes".

[MJHMarc]

MJHMarc reached another career-milestone as he touched up his 200th post, averaging close to eight posts a day! His season has been a rollercoaster, but he breaking every record possible. Here are some of the headlines on newstands around the country:

MJHMarc is Unstoppable This Season--New York Times
Just Incredible!--Time Magazine
Crazy, but Amazing--ESPN
I've Never Seen So Much Talent--Scouting Inc.
#1 on My Draft List--Forbes Magazine
A Living Legend, But I've Seen Better!--USATODAY
The Latest Style is MJHMARC!--GQ
Show Me the Money!--Entrepreneur
You're Hired!--Donald J. Trump Magazine

[Gotham Dark Knight]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

MJHMarc reached another career-milestone as he touched up his 200th post, averaging close to eight posts a day! His season has been a rollercoaster, but he breaking every record possible. Here are some of the headlines on newstands around the country:

MJHMarc is Unstoppable This Season--New York Times
Just Incredible!--Time Magazine
Crazy, but Amazing--ESPN
I've Never Seen So Much Talent--Scouting Inc.
#1 on My Draft List--Forbes Magazine
A Living Legend, But I've Seen Better!--USATODAY
The Latest Style is MJHMARC!--GQ
Show Me the Money!--Entrepreneur
You're Hired!--Donald J. Trump Magazine

the Buzz on the net has MJHMarc slightly ahead of Angelina Jolie, and a little behind Jessica Simpson...but 10 times ahead of Barry Bonds...

[MJHMarc]

"Barry Bonds doesn't even compare to my greatness. I overpower him and his followers!" yelled MJHMarc at his local pharmacy while he was picking up a prescription. He got into a violent argument with the pharmacist and a customer claims, "It got ugly!". They ended up evacuating the store as MJHMarc got carried away back into his jail cell.

In other news, MTV spoke to MJHMarc about making a series called Pimp My Jail Cell in which they add new features to his jail cell each week. The County Jail agreed to the deal as long as they stay within court rulings and don't violate a fire or jail cell hazard.

Find out the latest news about the up-and-coming show in a press-conference later this week.

[Gotham Dark Knight]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

"Barry Bonds doesn't even compare to my greatness. I overpower him and his followers!" yelled MJHMarc at his local pharmacy while he was picking up a prescription. He got into a violent argument with the pharmacist and a customer claims, "It got ugly!". They ended up evacuating the store as MJHMarc got carried away back into his jail cell.

In other news, MTV spoke to MJHMarc about making a series called Pimp My Jail Cell in which they add new features to his jail cell each week. The County Jail agreed to the deal as long as they stay within court rulings and don't violate a fire or jail cell hazard.

Find out the latest news about the up-and-coming show in a press-conference later this week.

Networks hold a bidding war over the new MJHMarc reality show...The winning network AMC (American Movie Classics) said, "We feel this will allow us to move in a different direction." To honor the new contract MJHMarc has decide to change his name to AMCMarc for the duration of the show...

[MJHMarc]

The Federal Book Grading Institute graded MJHMarc's latest book The Beast Within which ships out of Blue Penguin factory tomorrow. It will sell for $21.95 at book stores local wide. It should be available by Friday the earliest.

Joshua Smith of Virginia recalled, "The book is simply touching. It really goes straight into your heart. Just to show my appreciation, I sent MJHMarc a check for $500 because he story was so remarkable and depressing. I hope he uses that money wisely."

William Brown of England claims, "I've never read a book as bad as this before. Well, John Steinbeck made some questionable books, but this was just horrible. Does MJHMarc really think that he can make money off this book? Oh shoot, I just spent $22 on this piece of ..."

The final reader of this book was future Hall of Shamer, Rafael Palmeiro. He replied, "I liked this book, period." But later Palmeiro confessed that he never read the book.

[Wizard of Os]

Hmmm...Barry Bonds, books, mysterious retirement, bad public behavior, headlines...

I'm sorry to say it but perhaps MJHMarc should be checked for doping -- let's run the whole spectrum: marijuana ('cuz i know he's down with Lamar), greenies, steroids, baby laxative, horse pills and any prior association with Johnnie Walker or Jim Beam.

In fact...

"Mr. Marc, are you now or have you ever been a member of the communist party?"