[Bryan88]

A slightly humorous look at the ineptitude of the Timberwolves front office.

Wolves can only agree to disagree -- as usual

The Star Tribune this week embedded a reporter in the Timberwolves' front office. It wasn't hard -- owner Glen Taylor has enlisted so many advisers, anyone wandering around Target Center with a clipboard will eventually be asked his opinion on O.J. Mayo's character.

Taylor believes in listening to a lot of voices, and not just the demonic ones in his head telling him to keep Kevin McHale employed.

Our embedded reporter attended a Wolves draft meeting last night. Here's the transcript:

Taylor: "We've got to hear from a lot of people tonight -- everyone take a number. This is gonna to take a while. Should we order food? Here, I've got a bunch of menus.''

McHale: "I want good ol' Minnesota-style hot dish.''

General Manager Jim Stack: "Pizza. Deep-dish. I worked in Chicago, you know. Taught Jordan everything he knows.''

Taylor: "Michael?''

Stack: "Fred. Great office skills. Hell of a Xeroxer.''

Assistant GM Fred Hoiberg: "I vote for take-out Chinese and a point guard.''

Assistant GM Rob Babcock: "I want Mexican food and a true center.''

Player personnel director Zarko Durisic: "I had nothing to do with any of the other drafts. Hear me? I was never here. And I want burgers.''

Taylor: "It's good to hear a lot of voices. I like that you're not all just agreeing with one another.''

McHale: "We're still going with hot dish. These guys never played the game. Wanna see my rings?''

Taylor: "I want to see the one you gave to Danny Ainge.''

Stack: "I had a great interview with Mayo. I think he's our guy. Like I told the papers, I could tell he was a stand-up guy because every time I asked about one of his problems, he said, 'I didn't do anything.' You don't find that kind of honesty in many kids these days.''

McHale: "You hear that from a lot of guys from Southern Cal named O.J.''

Taylor: "Kevin, any more outbursts from you and I'll reduce your lifetime contract. Instead of being good for your lifetime, it will be good only for my lifetime.''

McHale: "These guys don't know food or basketball. It's hot dish and Kevin Love. We get Love, and we will be following the path of many an NBA champion -- loading up on white centers from the Pac-10 who can't jump. Madsen needs someone he can guard in practice.''

Stack: "I like Mayo. The guy told me he reads the Bible in seven languages, helps the homeless and can solve the fuel crisis. And you know what? I looked into his eyes. I believe him.''

Hoiberg: "I figure whoever McHale likes is going to be a bust. So I vote for anybody other than Love.''

Taylor: "Good, so we have it narrowed down to hot dish, pizza, burgers, Chinese, Mexican, Mayo, Love or anybody but Love. But I don't think we've explored all the possibilities. We need more voices, so I brought back someone who is known for speaking his mind. Fellas, you remember Trader Jack McCloskey? We always knew where we stood with Jack.''

McHale, under his breath: "Yeah, last place.''

Taylor: "What's changed?''

McCloskey: "I like the Italian player, what's his name. We draft him, then I'll go to Italy to scout. You remember me -- I love travel. Any Hawaiian players in the draft? I love Hawaii. By the way, Laettner's still available.''

McHale: "I played with Larry Bird. Any of you jerks play with Larry Bird?''

Taylor: "Gentlemen, this has been informative, but it's getting late, and now all the restaurants are closed. At least I've got a box of saltines stashed away for just such an occasion.

"Isn't that an amazing coincidence? Every year, the night before the draft, we end up eating crackers.''