[drfunk1986]

"OH SPORTS SANTA WHERE ART THOU?"

Drfunk- Alright, So it's another time for a Drfunk Blog, this time we got some stuff to talk about. It's getting around to that time of the season where little kiddies are writting their christmas wishlists. Only problem is that I have some jewish background and I don't celebrate christmas (boo-hoo) which probably means my prayers won't get answered because Santa only answers to christmas keepers (LOL). Anyways I'll just write one and see if either Santa or Hannukah Sam answers. This is probably why Chistmas keeping kids get all the things they want and jewish kids don't because well, jewish kids don't write letters and that's why we get stuck with toothbrushes and useless gifts. Well, this year I'ma making a change. First Up!

Drfunk's Wishlist


1. Los Angeles Lakers

Dear Santa,

Please for this season let my Lakers win. We've been very good during the offseason and so has Kobe. He's kept his composure, his attitude straight and even worked extra hard during the offseason in the Olympics to help the US get back to the gold standard in basketball. Not only that, Lamar Odom even stepped down from the starting lineup and didn't complain and look? He's playing much better. Not onyl that, but Andrew Bynum agreed to stay with the Lakers and not worry about money too much. Doesn't that say something? Santa, I'm wishing that you help my Lakers back to the NBA Finals and help them defeat their opponent and win the Championship and allow them to get another dynasty going.

Sincerely, Drfunk.

2. Dallas Cowboys

Dear Santa,

Let us win another Super Bowl and get back to our championship status. You may ask, "What have the Cowboys done to deserve to be champions?". Well Santa, Tony Romo has worked hard to overcome the mistake he made back against the Seahawks by dropping the winning field goal kick by putting up one of his best performances ever last year with a 13-3 record. Sadly, we still lost to the NY Giants. This season, we gave another person a second and third chance. Pacman Jones was in need of a new look and new team to change his ways and the Cowboys gave that to him. Yes, he was involved in an argument that led to him being suspended but he agreed to go to rehab to change his ways and will be back against the Steelers to help. TO, has completley done a 360 from his old 49er and Eagle ways by knowing when he should speak and he has truely helped. Sure, he has said some things but they've never been hurtful. So please Santa, look at our Boys now? They've pulled together like the Giants of last year and I really think they're getting it. Please help them and grant me this wish to have them win the Super Bowl this season.

Sincerely, Drfunk

3. USC Trojans

Dear Santa,

Please let my Trojans go to the BCS Bowl and win. They've played their hearts out this season and have left their opponents in the dust since their loss to the Beavers and yet, they continue to be put on the backburner no matter what they do. Other teams ranked higher have also lost as well, and probably have weaker schedules than the Trojans. While USC plays top school teams 90% of the time (even knowing their records don't usually show) other conferences such as the SEC and Big 12 ranked teams start out playing no name teams making them 2-0 or 3-0 and then for just 2 or 3 weeks they play eachother which doesn't cause them to drop out of the top 10 because they're both ranked teams. Then on top of that, they play weak schedules the rest of the way through so that they end up still in the top 10. Santa, last year you let LSU a 2 loss team win the BCS, surely you can find it in your heart to let USC a 1 loss team get back there and win. Our Trojans have always stayed classy and have never shown a sign of disrespect to other teams. Please Santa, let Oregon State lose to Oregon, let Texas lose and Alabama lose. Let USC get to the top and win.

Sincerely, Drfunk

[LSC9901]

I hesitate doing this but .... it must be done.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under eighteen in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5.353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

[drfunk1986]

Originally Posted by LSC9901

I hesitate doing this but .... it must be done.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under eighteen in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5.353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

yea I read that a looooong time ago. I was just doing this as a holiday post or whatever.

[LSC9901]

[Bette]

ha ha love it doc funk. Even if you are Jewish, you should get your wish list answered.


LSC, what a scrooge. Way to kill the guy's thread.

[drfunk1986]

sheshhh he didn't just kill it. He murdered it in cold blood. COLD BLOODED!!!!!

[Zip Spin]

Originally Posted by LSC9901

I hesitate doing this but .... it must be done.

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under eighteen in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5.353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Ya like Bette said, way to be a scrooge.

[LSC9901]

So .... I guess saying I'm sorry is too little, too late ???

[Bette]

Originally Posted by LSC9901

So .... I guess saying I'm sorry is too little, too late ???

Yes, anyone that does this to Santa Claus just get cement shoes. Where's Q when you need him?
I hope Santa brings you 8ft. of snow for Christmas.

[Seahawker 562]

Im not christian and I still get gifts from good ol saint nick

[maolei97]

Originally Posted by drfunk1986

"OH SPORTS SANTA WHERE ART THOU?"

Drfunk- Alright, So it's another time for a Drfunk Blog, this time we got some stuff to talk about. It's getting around to that time of the season where little kiddies are writting their christmas wishlists. Only problem is that I have some jewish background and I don't celebrate christmas (boo-hoo) which probably means my prayers won't get answered because Santa only answers to christmas keepers (LOL). Anyways I'll just write one and see if either Santa or Hannukah Sam answers. This is probably why Chistmas keeping kids get all the things they want and jewish kids don't because well, jewish kids don't write letters and that's why we get stuck with toothbrushes and useless gifts. Well, this year I'ma making a change. First Up!

Drfunk's Wishlist

1. Los Angeles Lakers

Dear Santa,

Please for this season let my Lakers win. We've been very good during the offseason and so has Kobe. He's kept his composure, his attitude straight and even worked extra hard during the offseason in the Olympics to help the US get back to the gold standard in basketball. Not only that, Lamar Odom even stepped down from the starting lineup and didn't complain and look? He's playing much better. Not onyl that, but Andrew Bynum agreed to stay with the Lakers and not worry about money too much. Doesn't that say something? Santa, I'm wishing that you help my Lakers back to the NBA Finals and help them defeat their opponent and win the Championship and allow them to get another dynasty going.

Sincerely, Drfunk.

2. Dallas Cowboys

Dear Santa,

Let us win another Super Bowl and get back to our championship status. You may ask, "What have the Cowboys done to deserve to be champions?". Well Santa, Tony Romo has worked hard to overcome the mistake he made back against the Seahawks by dropping the winning field goal kick by putting up one of his best performances ever last year with a 13-3 record. Sadly, we still lost to the NY Giants. This season, we gave another person a second and third chance. Pacman Jones was in need of a new look and new team to change his ways and the Cowboys gave that to him. Yes, he was involved in an argument that led to him being suspended but he agreed to go to rehab to change his ways and will be back against the Steelers to help. TO, has completley done a 360 from his old 49er and Eagle ways by knowing when he should speak and he has truely helped. Sure, he has said some things but they've never been hurtful. So please Santa, look at our Boys now? They've pulled together like the Giants of last year and I really think they're getting it. Please help them and grant me this wish to have them win the Super Bowl this season.

Sincerely, Drfunk

3. USC Trojans

Dear Santa,

Please let my Trojans go to the BCS Bowl and win. They've played their hearts out this season and have left their opponents in the dust since their loss to the Beavers and yet, they continue to be put on the backburner no matter what they do. Other teams ranked higher have also lost as well, and probably have weaker schedules than the Trojans. While USC plays top school teams 90% of the time (even knowing their records don't usually show) other conferences such as the SEC and Big 12 ranked teams start out playing no name teams making them 2-0 or 3-0 and then for just 2 or 3 weeks they play eachother which doesn't cause them to drop out of the top 10 because they're both ranked teams. Then on top of that, they play weak schedules the rest of the way through so that they end up still in the top 10. Santa, last year you let LSU a 2 loss team win the BCS, surely you can find it in your heart to let USC a 1 loss team get back there and win. Our Trojans have always stayed classy and have never shown a sign of disrespect to other teams. Please Santa, let Oregon State lose to Oregon, let Texas lose and Alabama lose. Let USC get to the top and win.

Sincerely, Drfunk

Amen!! Amen!!!, Hallelujah