[americanwit]

Q: What is the difference between baseball and law?
A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

[MJHMarc]

Originally Posted by simple simon

lol.........poor Mets

Why should we feel ashamed for those Mets? They did beat out your Boston Red Sox this past year record-wise. Thus, you should feel anger against the rival organization.

[simple simon]

[WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot]

I couldn't resist...

[MJHMarc]

That must be a classic, WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot.

I'm surprised nobody has added the "Who's on First" script, yet.

[Lefty Noob]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

I'm surprised nobody has added the "Who's on First" script, yet.

You guys ever seen those comedians who, a few years back, re-did "Who's on First?" actually using the players in the Yankees lineup at the time? Man, that was something to see. Less funny than impressive, but still interesting.

[LSC9901]

Baseball vs Sex


1) You can play baseball as much or as little as you want, YOU get to decide.

2) In baseball, the other team pays attention throughout, even if they're done scoring.

3) If you have to take a piss during a baseball game, you can say "Excuse me, I gotta drain the swamp" and you don't lose style points.

4) In baseball, nobody comments on the size of your bat, as long as you know what to do with it.

5) In baseball, you don't have to compliment the other team on their new uniforms.

6) In baseball, you can play the same team every day for a year and it's never the same twice.

7) You don't have to buy the other team dinner to get a game.

In baseball, you don't feel guilty about winning the ugly ones.

9) After an unusually long and difficult baseball game you can still ride your bike home.

10) The other team never has to forfeit a game because they're on their period.

11) If you get all scratched up in a baseball game, you can brag about it to your wife.

12) In baseball, you can go a couple months without scoring and your balls won't hurt.

13) You don't mind if your parents come to watch you play baseball.

14) You can play three, maybe four baseball games a day.

15) In baseball, you don't care if the other team has had marital relations with diseased livestock.

16) In a good weekend of baseball, you can play six or seven different teams and it only costs you twenty bucks and you may get a prize at the end.

17) Playing the wrong baseball team won't get you shot.

1 You can be absolutely certain that, nine months after a baseball game, the other teams lawyers won't call, asking for half of your pre-tax income for the next eighteen years.

19) Rest assured that the other team will not invite you to the ballet.

20) The other team doesn't demand that you shave before the game.

21) The other team can smell like road kill and you'll never know it.

22) If you don't score in a baseball game, the other team doesn't ask you if you've had that problem often.

23) No matter how drunk the other team is they never throw up in your bed.

[LSC9901]

TOP TEN
Things That Will Get You Suspended by Major League Baseball

by David Letterman ©
September 19, 1997 # Reason

10. Switching the Gatorade with the urine samples.

9. Inviting some guys you met at the Port Authority to come shower with the team.

8. Using Diamondvision to give entire crowd the finger.

7. Having a batting average lower than your blood alcohol level.

6. You've used too much pine tar and it ain't on your bat.

5. For the last several innings you've played shortstop in a delightful cocktail dress.

4. During "Star Spangled Banner," you do a slow, seductive striptease.

3. Wearing your cup outside your pants.

2. "Hitting for the cycle" with the umpire's wife.

1. Corking yourself.

[LSC9901]

"I heard the doctors revived a man after being dead for four-and-a-half minutes. When they asked what is was like being dead he said it was like listening to New York Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay." - David Letterman

[ThePundit]

Bill Clinton was at a baseball game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear.

President Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

[MJHMarc]

Heh.

Did you make that one up, ThePundit?

That incorporates a bit of politics and media, in there.

[americanwit]

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.

A friendly fan, sensing his embarassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man!"

[MJHMarc]

That's a great one, americanwit.

[ThePundit]

Originally Posted by MJHMarc

Heh.

Did you make that one up, ThePundit?

That incorporates a bit of politics and media, in there.

No, I got if off a website. Not really politics. Just a joke.

[MJHMarc]

Do you have any more?

The '03 Tigers were a joke.